My cactus needed a name, something that screamed 'spiky but endearing.' After much contemplation, I settled on 'Spikezilla.' Yes, it was dignified and slightly ridiculous. But hey, life's short, so I embrace the quirky. Spikezilla, the cactus, had officially joined my zany journey.
2023-09-27 22:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
After my cactus-hugging misadventure, I decided to make amends. I brought it some cactus snacks – water and sunlight. Slowly, a bond developed. We chatted about the weather, shared cactus jokes, and practiced resilience together. LOL!!! 🤣
2023-09-27 20:01:56 +0000 UTC View Post
Life's short, so I totally thought that appreciating everything in life was a MUST!! Lol, I tried hugging a cactus. Big mistake! Ouch! My ego and my hands hurt. Why did I even attempt it? For adventure? For bragging rights? Who the fuck knows? LOL!! All I know is that cacti are like grumpy porcupines with an attitude problem. Lesson learned: Life may be short, but so is my patience!
2023-09-27 18:05:38 +0000 UTC View Post
Rise and shine, sleepyhead! The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
2023-09-27 15:02:11 +0000 UTC View Post
In a panic, I replied to my friend, "Surprise party? Oh, my bad! I meant surprise house cleaning. You still up for it?" I figured, why not turn the party into a sparkling clean affair? I mean, who can resist the allure of a surprise dusting extravaganza? 🤣 It's a party for your home, and you're the guest of honor!
2023-09-27 05:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
When my friend received the surprise party text, they replied, 'Party at my place?' They clearly thought it was a genius idea, not realizing they were the guest of honor! 🥳 I had to laugh - talk about unintentional self-surprise! So, I played along and said, 'Sure, your place it is! But pretend to be surprised when you get there!' 🙃
2023-09-27 00:59:03 +0000 UTC View Post
So there I was, ready to spill the beans about the surprise party. But guess what? I fucked up big time and sent it to the person we were supposed to surprise! 😂 I mean, talk about the ultimate surprise-spoiler alert! I had to do some quick damage control, like, 'Surprise! You weren't supposed to know, but now you do!'
2023-09-26 18:05:04 +0000 UTC View Post𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐄 Do you wanna see what the REAL Bambi looks like when telling jokes quote #MEMESCENE in your DMs to see me laughing AND cumming!! @kazumisworld
2023-09-26 17:30:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Wake up and seize the cheese! Because who doesn't want a gouda day?
2023-09-26 15:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
LOL! Stay tuned for more in the Bambi Blue cheesy comedian series!! C'moon head over to my DMs and share your CHEESIEST joke!! 😅
2023-09-26 06:02:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Okay, this is it because all of you freaks are just giving me too much to laugh about! The last one, I promise!! I thought, "Why not post a cheese joke online?" I hit that share button, and bam! It got a 'gouda' amount of likes! It was like my joke had turned into a viral sensation, spreading laughter like melted cheese on nachos. I guess people couldn't resist the allure of a good cheesy joke. Who knew cheese could be so 'social'?!
2023-09-26 04:04:03 +0000 UTC View Post
I busted out a cheese joke that was so 'cheddar' cheesy, it could've melted a steel heart! I glanced around and could 'brie'-ly contain my amusement as I saw the envy in their eyes. It was like I had just dropped a comedy cheese bomb, and they were left in a state of dairy disbelief!
2023-09-25 23:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
So, I told my friend, "Hey, wanna hear a cheese pun?" They were like, "Sure, hit me with it!" I warned them, "Well, it might be too 'gouda' to be true!" They groaned I laughed, and together, we realized that cheesy jokes are the best thing since sliced bread, or in this case, sliced cheese!
2023-09-25 20:01:55 +0000 UTC View Post
LOL! I fucking love corny jokes! They really are so silly we all just need to sit back see the silliness and have a good fucking laugh at them! So often things are taken WAY too fucking seriously. Everyone needs to just fucking smile and laugh when things get silly!! 🤭
2023-09-25 18:05:10 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning, daydreamer! May your coffee be hot and your day full of sweet surprises.
2023-09-25 15:02:50 +0000 UTC View Post
All you freaks KNOW I am far from grounded anyway so what's the point... LOL, it just makes for a funny story about the adventure I never took! 😅
2023-09-25 05:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Needless to say, the trip from the sky didn't actually fucking happen because before take-off I was like NOPE!! This is not the thing for me today. There's clearly no elevator to get the fuck off when I am ready so, I am not gonna hop into the air and attempt to be graceful on my way down to earth.
2023-09-25 03:04:03 +0000 UTC View Post
I really thought I was being fucking clever... As we boarded the plane, I couldn't resist asking the instructor, "Hey, is there an escalator option for getting back down?" The look on his face told me I was in for a wild ride. I mean, why jump out of a perfectly good plane when there could be a much fancier, more gradual exit
2023-09-25 00:59:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Alright, so I followed the 'How to Skydive' manual like a champ. Step 1: Suit up – check! Step 2: Climb into the plane – nailed it! But then, at Step 3, I looked out the tiny plane window and had a revelation: I'm terrified of heights. Suddenly, my grand adventure felt more like an epic episode of What the FUCK were you thinking??
2023-09-24 21:01:03 +0000 UTC View Post
A few days ago I woke up and thought, "You know what would be fun? Skydiving!" Like, who needs a cozy brunch when you can plummet from a plane, right? I showed up at the drop zone, met my instructor, and suddenly realized that I had committed to jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.
2023-09-24 18:05:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Wake up and smell the inspiration! Your creativity is about to have its moment in the spotlight.
2023-09-24 15:02:03 +0000 UTC View Post
The fucking light in the fridge, it's not there to guide you to snacks; it's there to make sure you don't snack alone! It's like a culinary bat signal for all creatures within a mile radius. So, if you're indulging in a midnight munchfest, just remember, the fridge's bright idea is to share the fun!
2023-09-24 06:02:03 +0000 UTC View Post
I didn't factor in the fridge light being as bright as a supernova! It practically had a spotlight and woke up the furbabies from their beauty sleep. Mission snack-sible turned into mission snack-ruined!
2023-09-24 04:04:03 +0000 UTC View Post
It's pitch black, and I'm tiptoeing to the fridge like a ninja on a top-secret mission. So I don't wake the furbabies! Those little furballs are the masters of guilt trips. So, there I am, stealthily opening the fridge, hoping that the crinkly cheese wrapper won't betray me. Midnight snacks: the struggle is fucking REAL!!
2023-09-23 22:59:03 +0000 UTC View Post
In the dead of night, my fridge starts flirting with me! It's like, "Hey there, remember those leftovers? I'm chilling, and they're waiting!" I mean, who am I to resist such seductive illumination? The fridge, with its cool charm, always wins. Midnight snack missions are like secret affairs with my cold-hearted culinary accomplice.
2023-09-23 19:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
You know what I don't fucking understand, if we aren't supposed to have midnight snacks why is there a tiny light in the fridge? I call bullshit and the BEST time for snacks is waaaay after the sun has gone down! 😅
2023-09-23 18:05:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning, happiness enthusiast! Don't forget to share your extra helping of smiles today.
2023-09-23 15:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Ffs, if you can't do what you want in the sack what is the actual point... Like, I know I would have publically demonstrated against things like this!! I can just SEE the headlines about a Blue Haired woman praised for her acts of sexuality so we can all have our rights!! 😅
2023-09-23 05:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Stuck into another internet wormhole!! Oral sex was illegal in Canada until 1969!! FFS, this shit has to be made up. How did they even prevent this? 😅 It wasn't just oral!! It was anal too! Sodomy bans are fucking RUDE!! And also so last century! Thank fuck we live in a world where people are WAY more understanding of all the needs we have. No wonder divorces were so high in those days!!
2023-09-22 20:01:03 +0000 UTC View Post𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐇 SUPER RARE masturbation vid from when I was 18 - quote #FORESTNYMPH in your DMs to get it and have it forever!!
2023-09-22 17:30:04 +0000 UTC View Post
