Hello everyone. I got to keep the posts short and simple. We have a ho injury. Someone sound the Ho Down alarm. I jammed my finger. Not jamming it up some hot chicks ass mind you but tripped and grabbed on to a counter and jammed up the old forefinger quite nicely. My point in telling you this is I am going to keep my thoughts short and sweet because typing is not ideal. I got a good one planned for today but I need a mic for my speech to text thing to work so off to BestBuy I go. Fuck, I haven't been there in ages but they say they have what I need online so catch you all in a bit.
I know I have been absent for most of the day, but I had good reason. I was getting a box full of dick. Which by way of said fucking, obtained a full size testicle load in said box. So there, I had a good and gooey excuse. It’s not much of a video but it’s a video so cut a girl a break. It’s hard to fuck properly and keep a camera going. Hence the end result only. So, yes, I am happy about that. I can still feel it squirming around inside of me, and that means one thing. I will need to finger myself off in remembrance of said fuck. So it is written, so it shall be done.
Quit trying to drag me into politics. Don’t email me about politics, tweet me about politics, text me about politics. I will disappoint you. I swing wildly to the left, and then wildly back to the right. Rinse and repeat. Depends on the subject. That is exactly how I like it to be. I will not blindly agree with you, nor will I blindly disagree. I will make my own informed opinion when I am good and fucking ready and I don’t base my decisions off of moronic memes from Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I don’t base my opinion on anyone because of their political leanings. If we all agreed on everything, we would all be morons walking off a cliff because someone said it was a good idea. Here is one of the few phrases I actually try to live by… if you think you are the smartest person in the room, you’re not. Politics are personal to me, and I don’t need anyone telling me what to think. I can fuck things up just fine all by myself, I don’t need your help. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dick ratings, I am so behind on dick ratings. I love rating dicks, but I am not sure you guys dig all my ratings. I call them like I see them. If you want a five star review, no matter what, find some chick on here that calls you babe, tells you she loves you, and then asks for money. You will get your five star review. I, on the other hand, will point out the zit on the tip of said dick and apply the required zit deduction. I will deduct points for lack of grooming. Fuzzy pictures, lack of testicles, not hard, all will get you less than a stellar review. Don’t blame the messenger. So take some pride in your dick pics fella, put some effort into them. It will be worth it in the end. Hell, it might even end up in someone’s end if you keep it up… literally!
I am not a shy person. I might need to learn to tone it down, though. I find I am offending people more and more these days. It may be that people are just more easily offended, I don’t know. When I was a kid, we used to throw lawn darts at each other. Now they aren’t allowed to play Dodge Ball. They asked me at the bank what my line of work was and I said adult productions. She looked fuzzy about it so I just blurted out, “Porn, I make porn.” I was just replacing a debit card, not sure why she wanted to know. I think she was trying to upsell me on something, and that went terribly wrong for her. To the point she got up and got another teller. He was quite professional. All smiles took care of business and on my way I went. I don’t think she was fond of my career choice. Oh well, it would be a problem if I gave one fuck about her opinion, but no fucks are given so problem averted. My bank knows full well what I do and have so for years. I have several accounts, one being a business with the name of MYLF Tyler Productions. If you can’t figure it out from that, you have lived way too sheltered. Just saying.
Man, I sound angry today. I’m not at all. I’m in a good mood. Freshly bred, freshly orgasmed. All is good. Text sometimes doesn’t come out in the proper mood I guess. I will cut it off here and catch you in a bit.
Post 1 of 2: Happy Sunday morning, everyone. Hope all is going well. I am having a minor lack of penis problem, and last night did not solve that problem. I know you all think I can get laid 24/7 but reality is, I can’t. It isn’t as easy as one thinks. I run into the same problems you do. Let’s talk first. Maybe go on a few dates. I think I said this in an earlier post, talk to your therapist, the only talking I want to do is pointing out where I want you to leave your sperm in me. People these days, too much talking, not enough action. It’s putting my vagina into a recession. I do prefer a “bull” market, if you know what I mean. I have some prospects today, we shall see how they turn out. I will keep you posted.
I did not get laid. I did not get paid. No mess in my pussy was made. I went to the bar; I flirted, and I flaunted, but I had to leave in my car as all the dicks were undaunted. Not a one stood up, not a one got hard, I thought I would get stuffed if I played the right card. I needed a good fuck; I needed a good reaming, even a good suck, filling my mouth with semen. That’s all I got, but pretty much sums up the night.
Have I ever been caught masturbating was the question. Of course. Probably more times than I have fingers to count. I have caught other people beating their meat as well. One time I caught this guy in my bathroom beating off and I offered to swallow his load. I was serious. His penis looked so edible sitting there in his hand, all hard, veiny, fat and purple. His face turned the same color as his dick and his dick went from hero to zero. He was limp before he could get it back into his pants. I thought it was an excellent offer. He apparently let the shock of him getting caught stroking off to get the better of his dick. I never saw him again after that, so his dick never knew the pleasure of letting his jizz flow down my throat… which also means I never got a bellyful of his cum. We both lost out on that one. What happens if you catch me? I like to keep eye contact, but again, people are more shocked that they caught me fingering myself than I am being caught. I am happy to let them finish watching, I might even invite the right person to join in/help out. But they run away like it was some kind of big deal. To them, I guess it is. To me, I’m just getting off… what’s the problem?
People often ask me to meat with them sight unseen, cold call, blind date. I often refer to my serial killer code. Never meat with people you don’t know lest you end in a hefty bag or four on the side of the highway. Yes, I know I made a spelling error. I have to. Try it yourself, write it down, hit send, it won’t work. Plus, some of the crazies I have to deal with on here definitely reinforce my serial killer theory.
Someone asked if I get recognized a lot. No, I rarely do. The world is a big place and my footprint on it isn’t really any bigger than most peoples. Plus, I’m wearing clothes. Most of you know me with little to no clothes on, so the outfits throw you off. I think if I walked around naked a bunch more people would recognize me. I’d do it, but we still have to pay cash bail here in FL and I would eventually run out of money.
Hello everyone, it is basically a “Fuck me… it’s Friday” day. As Bill Cosby used to say, “It’s Friday Ladies, Drinks are on me.” I am thinking power tools and lots of lube. Friday, my second favorite “F” word. Take a guess at my first. Just saying.
What do I have planned? Not a clue. I sent a message or two and nobody responded. I must not be popular this week. One person who I wrote about in one of these moronic blogs I somehow end up typing out said I could, and I quote, “Go fuck myself.” Which if things keep going the way they are at this very moment, I just might end up doing. Happily, I might add. Some of you might want to know what his problem was. Not actually the blog. The fact that I never set up another date. The sex was…OK? I guess? He asked me why I never called him back. I told him I wanted the sex to be magical… so I fucked him and disappeared. I don’t think he got it. Some people just want to talk. Talk to God, your therapist, we are either fucking or we are not.
Am I the only one who thought LMAO meant “Lick me all over?” One of those lick me top to bottom and then get busy at the middle things. Helpful hint for guys: If you feel the urge to put something inside me… at least lick it first. Just saying here.
I was told that I need to be more supportive. That I should encourage people to follow their dreams. But what if their dream is stupid? And let me tell you, some shit I hear is pretty stupid, even for my standards. Asking for a friend.
I should probably text something inappropriate to someone. See if I can get them to respond. Worth a shot.
Cam shows are fun. I like doing them. I am not a camgirl though. I do cam shows, and yes I charge for them, $50 for 10 minutes, but I don’t do them to pay my bills. Some of you feel that I am some kind of camgirl sitting around waiting for you to pay me so I can buy a bag of dope or catch up my rent that is two months behind. I don’t have cam schedules, nor do I want to make a cam schedule. If it works out, it works out. I never ask for anyone to pay in advance in case my dogs demand me to stay out later with them in the swamps and I miss our time. Cam shows are supposed to be fun, something kind of special. Sitting around waiting for someone to buy a show isn’t fun. If I do a cam show with you, it will be fun because I actually want to be there. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even bother. When you go to these cam sites where they wait for you to show up, your getting played. From the second they see you to the second they end it, you got played. Hell, Ive been played. I have paid many a cam girl money to listen to her tell me how hard she is cumming. Complete BS. Still, I enjoy looking at certain women naked and am willing to ignore that fact. However, if you want to do a show with me, I refuse to do them for the sake of 50 bucks. My box refuses to do them for $50. When I get on cam with you, I expect you to bring your A game because my box is bringing it’s A game. It’s on Mr. I can do like maybe two, three a day most and then it isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. I refuse to turn camming into work. My point? Don’t get all pissy with me if I don’t jump through hoops to keep your schedule for a cam show. Why? Again, because I got shit to do and I am not a camgirl. Bear with me and I will do shows with you. I have lots of guys I love doing shows with, but they get it. When we do our shows, it’s not a business transaction, it’s personal. I know their names, their interests, what they like. The way it should be.
To the annoyance of some. I spend an extraordinary amount of time with my dogs outdoors. Couple hours a day. Not on the leash. They run wildly through the swamps and woods. I feel awful for them if I don’t get them out there. If you ever wanted to know where I disappear to most of the time. It’s a safe bet I am in the swamps. Yes, I am packing. I keep a SIG 9 strapped on my side. You never know when a wild pig, gator, bear, gets a hair up its ass and wants to take it out on me or the dogs. Snakes? Of course. Only one dog hasn’t been bitten by a poisonous snake. It’s a $250-$350 trip to the Vet ER. They get an antibiotic, anti-inflammatory, and a pain shot. They have sent me home the same day two out of the three times. The third time was with Bart and he was 14, so they wanted to watch him. Back to normal the next day. They take it way better than we do. Way better. We are talking all face bites here. One time a Copperhead got stuck on Amber’s lip.
My next post will be better. Promise.
Post 1 of 3: OK, folks bear with me today, I got a killer headache that just came on like all the sudden and I can't kick it. I feel fine otherwise, just someone is behind my eyes nailing shit with a hammer. Anyway, I have a lot to get to today but I am going to slow it down a bit and see if I can kick this bastard real quick. I forgot to post these pics a few weeks ago when I took them but after looking at them, I don't think I turned out to shabby if you know what I mean. Let me know what you think. I will be back as soon as I find the fucker nailing in my head and kick his ass.
Hello everyone, I am back and here it the video that I said I would put up. It isn’t much, it’s all I could get. When you are in the heat of getting your box completely owned by a dick from @u125291845 , you don’t worry too much about anything else. I had the frame of mind to have him video the end result, but that’s about it. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. That post fuck I don’t give a fuck thing that happens. So, check it out and let me know what you think!
I watch a few chicks on Twitter do their thing mainly for the entertainment value. I am fascinated by their ego’s, and their completely false persona’s and generally their level of contempt for the universe. One has just posted that she never gets fat shamed because she isn’t fat. Yes, that will cause an uproar in the ever moronic social justice warrior community. Is she telling the truth? Absolutely, she is anything but fat. I have zero problems with her post… except that it seems to be made randomly and for the express purpose of making someone or some people feel bad. She isn’t answering anyone or countering something directed at her. I am all about firing back when fired upon. My issue is she just randomly made that post. To cause a stir. To be a dick for the sake of being a dick. Because she could. For that, I would like to punch her in the nose just for being a tard stick. Why? Because I can.
Stuff. Someone asked me what they could do to make me happy the other day, and I replied, “Fucking, I like fucking.” And he left. Being forward is too much for some folks. Just saying.
Some else asked me what I wanted out of life. In this order I want to: Fuck hard, talk dirty, laugh a lot, and eat well. Sounds pretty good to me. Other than the eating part, it’s all pretty much budget friendly.
I listen to girls complain about pussy problems all the time. The trials and tribulations of being the proud owner of a vagina. I have no complaints. Mine gets wet just doing day to day normal things. That I would put in the good pussy problems column. Keep it clean, keep it used, everything runs smoothly. It’s like anything else. Don’t change the oil and never start it, shit starts to fall apart. You will never get 250K miles on a car unless you drive the damn thing. Fire that box up and put some miles on it. Oper her up and let her run. What a weird way to say go get laid.
Catch you all in a bit!
Post 1 of 2 : I know I have been a little quiet today, but I just can’t catch a break here. I had people show up unannounced, a birthday party to get through, and a dog that got itself into a mood. Let’s just say Amazon is not a fan of coming to my house. Let’s also accept it as a fact that my dogs are not fans of Amazon coming to my house. Just saying. One thing led to another and things got out of control quickly. Nobody is bloody, and other than maybe a mild case of PTSD, all is well.
Everyone knows what I do. When they come to my house, they know there is a chance that I might be doing something others deem inappropriate. I’m not a renter, I own it, I can do what I want inside its confides. Again, they all know this. So when I answer the door in a robe it should be common knowledge you are interrupting coitus of some fashion or another. Don’t stand there and talk to me about how much the house two doors down is up for sale. I don’t give a shit. Actually, I do, morons from up North will pay anything for a shack and think they got a good deal. Tax values go up and I have to pay more because they think their 150K shack is worth 350K. I digress. Two neighbors both came over while I was trying to make some spank bank material and wouldn’t fucking leave. Till I told them to leave. I hate having to do that, but I’m working here. By the time I finished with the both of them, it was time to get shit ready for the birthday party. I don’t mind setting up birthday parties for people. It makes me feel good knowing they enjoy themselves. They can be time-consuming, though. Look, what I’m saying here is its hard to be the neighborhood ho and hostess at the same time. Anyway, where was I? Who knows.
One time I bought a new dildo. I do that from time to time. This was back when you went to the store to buy dildos. I used it on myself on the way home. I couldn’t wait. I put it in the back seat and somehow forgot it was there. I took my car in to have the transmission looked at as it was new and was making a noise. I forgot all about the massive dildo. When I picked up my car, it was sitting on the front seat in a zip-lock bag. I was wondering why all the mechanics stopped and stared at me when I got to the Nissan dealership. Shit happens. Never leave your dildos on the kitchen table and forget about them. It makes your neighbors very uncomfortable when you invite them in and have to put them away. Remember, I was the one who told you that. It’s helpful information to have.
I sent a text to a guy this morning and asked him if he wanted to come over and watch porn on my flat screen mirror. He didn’t get it. Hell, you may not get it. Am I the only one who gets it? He did come over and left a lump of sperm in my guts, which I filmed for you. I was able to film it because it was so lumpy and sticky it took for fucking ever to get it to drip out. If I didn’t want you to see it, I would have just left it inside of me and greased my way around the block a time or two. Why aren’t you seeing it on this post? Because I had to have him use his phone and we forgot to take it off of it so I could post it. He’s bringing it over in the morning, so what he left up inside of me will be up on a post in the morning.
Just so you know. When you cum inside of me, I own a piece of you. You have no say in the matter and I’m not giving it back. If you cum inside me too much, I will end up owning you entirely. Just saying. Cummer beware.
Just a quick one for now. I broke out the old video camera as the person filming this could not keep their finger off of the lens of my my camera phone and she knocked over my light so I had to use an old florescent light which makes me look a zillion years old with all the shadows. I was so looking forward to shooting this video, or at least my box was and my friend, bless her non movie shooting heart, did her best. So, I am now demanding that she finish me properly. She is not into girls though and is hesitating on me. She is going to be in trouble if I have to break out the double dong. I will let you know.
It’s been one of those days. I woke up wet this morning. I am still kind of fired up over last night and I can’t get anyone to stick their dick in me. Everyone has stuff going on or they're working. Likely excuse, I say. But then again, that might be my vagina talking for me. So, I am going to use a silicone man to get the job the done. I haven’t started yet, but as soon as I get the energy up, I will get the job done. It’s just one of those days. I won’t sleep unless I get off, so no use in fighting it.
That guy fucked me good last night. I still can’t walk properly. Sometimes when a guy fucks me right, when he has his dick in me, I can’t tell where he ends and I begin. It’s like his dick becomes part of me. Hard to explain if you don’t have a vagina but very erotic all the same.
Someone told me I try to be sexy. I don’t try to be anything. I just move around in a sexy way. Nothing wrong with that. Who cares if someone tries to be sexy? Is there some kind of rule that says you shouldn’t? If there is I didn’t see it and I certainly didn’t vote on it so as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t exist. I say fly the sexy flag, it’s a lot more fun to look at! Same person said being sexy isn’t about how you look it’s a state of mind. I concur. I think I do both quite nicely. She is a bit heavy. Well, a bit may be an understatement. I think she is angry with me because I’m not fat. Fat women bitch and moan about being persecuted, but I find they are the ones doing the persecution most of the time. I could be wrong… but again, I doubt it. She doesn’t like my views on life either, but again; I don’t care if you don’t like what I say, I never got the memo that said I have to speak to please these people. Personally, I like what I have to say.
Here’s a rule to live by when it comes to people. Never do the same mistake twice. Unless they are really fucking hot. Then make all the mistakes you want. I am shallow like that.
You know what turns me on? When you tell me exactly what you want me to do to you. That shit makes my box turn on like a faucet. I don’t know why, it just does. Not sure why I’m telling you this yet I am. Anyway, that is all for the night. I will catch you all in the morning!
Sorry about the silence after todays post but I had a few things to take care of. Mainly shaving a bush. I will elaborate tomorrow. Thanks for your patience, please resume your normal activities.
Did you ever sit at work doing nothing, bored out of your mind just waiting to go home… and do nothing. Been there. Tick Tock, tick tock. It’s times like these I like to touch myself. I can’t tell if I’m masturbating because I’m bored or because I’m horny. Just saying. Blowing @u125291845
It’s funny how people trust stuff, no matter what. Like soap dispensers. People always assume there is soap in the soap dispensers. I like to fill mine with silicone lube just to teach them a lesson. If this happens to you, don’t shit yourself. I know it seems hard to get off and you will forever be stuck with slippery fingers. But with a little shampoo or conditioner, presto, it’s gone. Dishwashing liquid works as well… it’s basically shampoo. That is “Ho trick number 72a. That one is free. The next one is 5 bucks. Stay with me here, I’ll keep you up to speed.
So, I’m hanging out with some “proper” ladies. They all know what I do, but I think they keep me around so it adds a bit of edge to their little group. I do what I can not to disappoint. One has been married for 24 years and never given a blowjob. Wow. So my next question was, have you ever been eaten out? Of course she hasn’t. It’s too gross down there. So I ask the others the same question and they don’t want to answer but the general consensus was yes, they have given head and received as well. Not often, mind you, but they get an “A” for effort. So, I try to describe the thrill and benefits of both giving and receiving head, but she just isn’t getting it. Actually, none of them are. So I decide a visual aid is what we need to sink things in. So I break out the phone and show them this video you are, were, or will be watching on this post. It was like a horror movie to them, but they all watched the entire clip. I hadn’t edited it yet, so it was like two minutes long. Then they watched it again. I’m thinking, proudly I might add, my work is done here. At the end, I got all the required “we are so shocked” comments. You know, generally the “How could you?” comments. I’m like, hey, you invited me, you know who I am, who did you think was going to show up? And we moved on. Why am I telling you all of this nonsense? Because this morning I get a text from not just one, but two of them. The first one was from “J” names are not complete to protect the somewhat innocent. J wants to tell me she had the best sex of her life last night and wants to know where she can get more videos to watch. She does not know how to find porn on the web. WTF? So I tell her where to look. I’m thinking this chick is 48, 48 fucking years old, and she is just now discovering the power of her box? In a way, I am so happy for her and in another so sad. She spent most of her adult life sexless. I picture the sex she had as a once a month or so chore to get over with. She is going to be vagina dynamite now. Hell, her vagina is probably reaching nuclear strength explosion at this point. Her poor husband. I bet he cheated. He won’t have to anymore. This chick has gone into full dick beast mode. I’ve been there, dicks will get hurt. Once you cum, I mean really cum, it’s all in the rear-view mirror. It’s full speed ahead and nothing is going to stop you. I wish her safe travels.
On to the next chick. My oral virgin. Yes! I made a believer out of her. She simply texts “I did it!” with a big smiley face. I write back, “Congrats!” I am feeling pretty good about myself, about this time when she texts back with a picture of her taking a selfie with a dick in her mouth. Brought tears to my eyes. I know her husband was probably crying like a baby with tears of joy. Married 24 years and never got a blowjob… from her, that is. I’ve seen him, he’s a good-looking guy. He could get a blowjob, no problem. The question remained, though, did he go down on her. Turns out he wanted to, but she couldn’t get past herself. This is where it gets a bit awkward. She apparently has a rain forest going on down there bush wise. She wants it trimmed up, so I told her pitter patter get at her. She doesn’t know how and is afraid she will cut herself. Oh for fuck’s sake, billions of women everyday get through this successfully but OK. I tell her to go get a trim at a manicure place. She isn’t having it. She is too embarrassed. She wants me to help her. Normally, not a problem. However, this chick is hot. In a super hot conservative MILFY kind of way. I don’t know that I could help myself. I will probably end up licking her and telling her it will keep the shave bumps down. I am discovering that I have a rather unique set of life problems. Yes, I am going to do it. I haven’t told her but lets just be honest here. I am dying to see her naked. Creepy, I know, but then again, you only live once. I will keep you posted on the events that transpire in this matter. If I have a black eye, the next time you see me, you will know things went horribly wrong. Catch you all later!
Ok guys, here is the video before the video. I know, kind of weird, but go with it. The whole thing went horribly wrong as far as porns go. My box didn’t complain, but the world of porn just might. I admit it; I hate shooting with regular porn dudes because more times than not they are pathetic in the sack. However, with that said, they are willing to do whatever it takes to keep the penis nice and stiff. Drugs, shots, whatever, they will do it. Plus, they don’t care about other people in the room filming them. Regular guys, much better at sticking it in me. Much worse at shooting porn. So, we started out, and all was good. Then he couldn’t cum. Holding the camera, keeping the position and getting the shot, all of that was a bit much. So, not being one to waste an erection, we fucked off camera. He blew a massive load in my box after I blew my box out, cumming on his dick. All of that should have been in the video, but yet here we are. So we waited an hour and finished the video on take two. It really didn’t turn out to bad, but his second load was not near as impressive as the first. Apparently his testicles just don’t work that fast. I was going to put it up tonight, but now looking at I am going to have to edit it. Some of his camera work will make you seasick. But all in all, it’s a decent little video. Actually, I can’t believe it came out as good as it did. Oh, the perils of making porn. See, nobody else will tell you these things. It’s all fun and games till someone gets their dick bent the wrong way. Which happens more than you would think. I think I will start posting the fuckups and real workings of porn. It’s quite entertaining. I have an entire catalog I have accumulated over the years of fuckups.
Am I the only one who gets emails from nut jobs telling me God, Allah, Buddah, whoever, hates me? It’s annoying. I have one thing to say about all that. Going to church doesn’t make you a holy person any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Just saying out loud. Shit, all of a sudden it started thundering outside. Is that lightning?
I know a porn chick who thinks nobody cares if she’s alive or not. I told her she was wrong. She didn’t believe me so I told her to miss a few car payments and she will find out real fast if people care if she’s alive or not. She gave me the finger. How rude. I was just trying to help. In my own special way.
Real comment. “Your entire life is nothing but a vast series of mistakes fueled by porn.” I copy and pasted that from Twitter. My response is as follows: Some mistakes are way too fucking fun to make only once. (In my mind I am now stiff arming and dropping the mic) I am sure he will think of something to respond with. He just hasn’t done so yet.
Man, I got fucked good today. You know you got fucked good when you are just tired. Not in a bad way, but in my pussy just got nut blasted, and it needs a damn nap kind of way. I had one of those cums that starts where you tense up, hold your breath, and something lets loose in your head and you can feel the sex dope just pouring over your brain. Sex dope. Very medical of me. But basically thats what it is. They should bottle sex dope. Maybe they did. I think it’s called heroin. Anyway, catch you all tomorrow. I will have that video ready for you!
Hello everyone. Yep, we are starting off with some pics. I got em, so you are seeing them! What’s new? I was asked to read a blog some ding dong wrote, which I did. So, I powered through this chick’s porn blog and I feel for you guys who have to read mine. Let me be clear for anyone who lives in a massive woke fog, you are not gay if you watch boy/girl porn, which is possibly one of the dumbest statements ever. She tries to shame you into agreeing with her but if you do, you would both be wrong. For fucks sake, you are not gay for watching porn. She is a moronic woke social justice warrior that wouldn’t know gay if it slapped her in the pussy. I know a little about this. Gay is only when you want to go on an afternoon picnic and cuddle up, hold hands, and kiss each other on the cheek, all because it feels right. We simply define anything else as “sexually adventurous.” Are we clear? Good. Moving on. Last note to the person who asked me to read it. She is an idiot who not only thinks her opinion is the only opinion, she thinks it’s a fact. A common ailment in today’s “woke” society. Everyone knows I am the only one who gets things right. Just kidding. Or am I?
Ho hum, I need a dick to strum. Yet here I sit without one. Here is a strange one. Sometimes I think of your dick as testicle straw used to get the good stuff out of your nuts. Now you know. Sometimes a girl just needs a dick. Well, pretty often actually, but half a dozen, six the other. Problem is sometimes, they attach a real dick to the dick that you want. So my mind is like, do I really want to text him and deal with him? And my pussy is like text that motherfucker!… need dick now! I end up texting that mother fucker. Pussy rules the world. Even the owner it’s attached to. I don’t think I fall in love much. My vagina does, but I don’t. Which is a problem because I assure you my box makes some pretty questionable decisions. It is times like these that if your dick touches my insides correctly; I am not responsible for the damage my vagina may do to your testicles when they experience sudden evacuation. I am just saying.
Helpful tip. An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough. Again, just saying.
Someone questioned why I am no longer a respiratory therapist. I gave that up so long ago it almost seems like I never did it. Why did I quit? I don’t know. I guess I thought I wanted a career, but it turned out that I just wanted a paycheck. I finally gave it up for good when I had a few porns under my belt… or in my belt… or whatever and I have zero, and I do mean zero, regrets for doing so. I assure you my life took a massive turn for the better.
I do have a few videos cumming up for you today. All were made today, so you know you are getting fresh and current stuff. That’s important. It’s OK to throw in the old stuff as long as you keep it fresh with a healthy dose of fresh stuff. So watch for it!
So I made a porn today. It isn’t a polished porn, but it’s a porn. The guy @u125291845 found out holding the camera and fucking is difficult to do. I will not lie to you. We paused in the middle of it and fucked till I got my cum on, then went back to the video. Sometimes you gotta do that. When the pussy wants to cum, the pussy wants to cum. He couldn’t the job done for me holding the camera, so we put it down and he slipped a thumb in my ass and his dick in my box and boom. Instant orgasm. He fucked me till he was right on the edge and then fumbled for the camera and did all kinds of goofy shit with it, but no matter, he got the job done mostly correct. Was it fun? Hell yes, it was fun. He will be much better at it next time, so looking forward to that as well. Enjoy it! I haven’t asked for a tip in months but I am going to do so today so if you can, it would be much appreciated! I will get a personalized video in return on anything $25 and over. I have some more stuff going up today so watch for that as well!
Here is a video I forgot I even had. It’s with Deauxma @deauxma , so it has to be good. It certainly was a slippery slope filled event, I can assure you of that. Take a look and let me know what you think. We shot it at her place in San Antonio, TX. We shot quite a few videos on that trip. I stayed with her for a week, if I remember correctly. It was fun for sure.
I am shooting a video with a guy today and I plan on putting that up sometime this afternoon so watch for that! I am looking forward to that. I feel like a mouthful of cum today. I normally want it in me, but I think I will drink his sperm today. It just sounds, I don’t know, delicious. It should be good! I would use the powers of my magical devil vagina to dry up his testicles, but I want that taste in the back of my throat. The one that stays with you all day. Sperm burps, basically. I am catching myself touching my box, thinking about it. So, watch for it today, Mr!
Got another one complaining about my use of words. Vagina, penis, sperm and so on. They are to “clinical and not attractive words” I am not sure what the world is cumming to these days. I like the term sperm. It rhymes with term, so how could it be an unattractive word? Sperm, to me, sounds like, oh, I don’t know, fun. Nobody seems to complain about it when I am turning their testicles into dried up raisins after forcefully removing all the “sperm” from them. Maybe I could rename into something more “woke.” How about Creme De La Penis? Does that work. Give me all your Creme De La Penis now, I want it now! No, I think, “Sperm my fucking vagina now, motherfucker!” works better. Just one girl’s opinion. I could be wrong. I’m not. Holy moly, now I gotta keep in mind the folks who don’t like unattractive words. There is no end to this silliness we live in today. I’m pretty sure I just a sub here, but I’m not changing my vernacular for anyone. Vernacular… I am surprised I even pulled that big girl’s word out of my head. Hope I used it right! Fuck, hope I spelled it right.
Yes, I am a slut. If I were a video game, they would rate me E for everyone. I’m just saying. I like being a slut. No, no I don’t. I love being a slut. I live and breathe to solely be a slut. I am not a spring chicken, but my desire to fuck is only getting stronger each day. I am like a super slut. I even have magical slut powers. What are they you ask? I don’t know. I’m just making this up as I go, so just go along with me here. The slut part is factual, magical powers… I leave that up to your dick to decide. If I did the test at Ancestry DNA, it would come back as 85% slut, 10% whore, and 5% vanilla. I would be satisfied with that result, though we could probably bump that whore number up a bit. I like it when people try to humiliate me for being a world class slut. “OMG! You are such a whore; you fuck so many people and do such vile things… your disgusting.” Um… OK, I’m getting laid often and you're not. Somehow in your eyes I’m the loser? Tell me that’s not a game played with ass backward rules. “But you're a girl… you’re not supposed to do that!” Yes, yes I am, and I have a vagina to prove it. If used properly, it cums. Like it was meant to do. It didn’t come with a recommended amount of cums or users. It is one of those unlimited use things. It likes to cum. Hell, I would go so far it lives and breathes to cum. You should try it sometime. Once your box finds that magical penis that makes it quiver… you will know what I’m talking about. Don’t find it the first time… keep looking till you do. Always keep looking, it’s a fun search no matter how it pans out. Whoa, I am getting very bizarre here, so I should end this now!
Catch you all in bit, I will be posting later, and yes, I have more pics as well as videos. I know, photos, again. I like pictures. I figure if I post enough you will learn to like them as well. Just keep in mind I grew up in the porn world where photos were king. Remember all those magazines like Club, Playboy, Hustler, Chic, Fox, I had subscriptions to them all and I appeared in all of them at one time or another. Lets just say I am nostalgic about photos. But don’t worry, I got videos as well today so there!
Love ya
Brooke
Alright, what was behind the post I put up this morning? A solid fuck with a solid jizz job on my tits, that’s what was up. I was up early today, say five or so and I was feeling it for some reason. I don’t why I was horny but I was. I got a text around 7am asking if I had plans tonight from a fuck buddy of mine here in Daytona. I said I did, but took a chance and said I was free now. Thirty minutes later his dick was inside of me, rooting around all the good places it could find. Well fucked, well spermed, well taken care of. That’s how he left me. A stretched wide open vagina, a chest full of nut, and I didn’t even have time to do my hair yet. If Jesus himself was watching, he would have been touching himself. It was that hot. A very good morning, I would say. He is married, so I am the side bitch. I’m OK with that. I get to send him back home and I have my house all to myself again. He is in one of those you might get laid every other month situations. Like I always say, keep your man’s balls empty and he won’t play ball anywhere else. Anyway, moving on.
I got a new soft top for my jeep and I put the full steel doors back on. Myself. What a motherfucker that was. The doors just pop right on. The new top. Forget about it. All fucking day and I’m exhausted. Directions were for shit. But it is what it is, and it’s on. I can now drive around in my jeep without getting wet or freezing my tits off. Soft tops are not the easiest things in the world to get on and off as it is. A new one that the directions even say have to be stretched to fit properly is a bear. Especially by yourself. I’m just saying.
I like to smile at people who don’t like me…. because I’m an asshole. Just saying. I smile a lot these days. On that note, if you like my posts, you sir are awesome. If they offend you, then your welcome.
The guy I fucked this morning, he brought me flowers once. Just once. I told him I don’t want fucking flowers, you ding dong, I want an orgasm. Pitter patter lets get at her. Flowers. Poor attempt at foreplay, if you ask me. I could be wrong… but I’m not.
Here is something you guys will never have the pleasure of knowing. That feeling of getting a load of nut dumped in your ass and feeling it dribble out three days later. Well, most of you guys. Some of you guys actually know what I’m talking about. You know who you are.
Got a good dicking this morning and the photo to prove it! This load was so meant to be deposited in my ass but sadly it ended up on my tits. I would have been leaking this one out for the rest of the day! It would have greased me up to the point I could run faster! I can't think of anymore weird stuff to describe why it should of been left in my rectum but you get the idea! Yes, I did scoop it up and eat it, and no, he didn't complain. In fact it made him hard again and we did it a second time. Sadly, I must report, he only sputtered out a few drops the second time around. He fired his whole box of ammo the first time around! No worries, both fucks got me off so he was the hero of my vagina for the morning! Anyway, I will be posting lots more stuff today but it's going to be later this afternoon. I have to get the soft top on my Jeep and it's being a bastard about it. Where are all the big strong men at when you need them? Any volunteers?
Catch you all a bit later!
Brooke
Post 1 of 3: So, the question was, Why would you want anyone to cum inside of you, isn’t that kind of slimy and gross? Well, I suppose if wanted guys to cum inside me so I can wipe my goo filled vagina along the kitchen floor so I can pretend to be a slug, that might be a little odd. Other than that, I don’t see the problem. Slimy and gross? Well, maybe the slimy part but that’s what makes it hot isn’t it? Nothing gross about it that I know of but we all have our phobias I suppose. I mean I wouldn’t want to hold a spider but a handful of sperm, yeah, I would do that.
Sometimes, and not all the time, the dick is so good I have to call to make sure he got his penis home safely. Just saying.
So, girls are always complaining about other “ho’s” moving in on their dude. Guilty as charged, but I always give them their dudes back. My advice? A blowjob a day keeps the side chick away. Again, I’m just saying.
Next question. “How can you have sex with someone you don’t know without a condom? It’s dangerous.” I concur. Bad move. But the vagina doesn’t think in terms of safety. Sometimes it gets so turned on I can’t control it. Before I know it, I’m whispering in some dude’s ear that I will kiss him gently on the forehead after he nuts inside of me. It happens.
Your girl is a keeper if she is having a completely normal and sane conversation and suddenly says the most insanely dirty thing. Take her home immediately and leave her jizzed and dripping. I’m just saying. I’d like to have a girlfriend like that. Guys, you say dumb shit all the time, were used to it.
They say there are 7 billion people in the world. I feel sad for them. Only the tiniest fraction of that number will ever experience the mind blowing testicle draining my vagina will give them, not to mention my ass and mouth.
Is there sex after death? This is important. If I’m going to heaven, which I’m obviously not, but if I did, am I having sex? If not, are we really sure this is the retirement plan we really want? Does anyone have the Lucifer’s Estates Brochure? What’s his policy on the whole sex thing. What if we are all wrong about Satan? What if he is just taking the high road and not responding to criticism? I mean, I never hear him firing back and defending himself. Seems to me the folks up top are doing all the trash talking. We should hear from him before we decide. Just a thought. I could be wrong. Still, I’d like to know his policy on sex in the afterlife. Just saying. Feel free to chime in.
Sometimes when I’m talking to a hot person, be it a guy or girl, I look and act totally calm. In my head, though, I have already fucked them ten times. What can I say, I have a dirty mind and they happen to be running through it. I wonder if they know they are part of my weird sexual fantasies? I wonder if they want to know?
Slutty Poetry: I’m so horny I want to fuck, so today my stud you are in luck, on my couch and in my bed, we will fuck all night and give so much head, so cum on over and don’t be late, or I will be compelled to simply masturbate.
Have fun everyone, I know I’m doing my best to do just that. Sorry for the very weird posts. I can’t help myself.
Love ya
Brooke
