I was REALLY looking forward to a nice CREAMY coffee and the minute I asked the person at my local coffee shop what the BEST creamy drink was I got so fucking hot and flustered!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? ๐
2023-11-08 19:05:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Shaping up to be a fucking great day! Good morning ๐
2023-11-08 16:02:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Do any of you freaks get turned on by activities that aren't really sexual or is it just? Do I need to do something about this? LOL. DM me and tell me I am not alone! ๐
2023-11-08 06:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
The BEST part about perving over the spinners was watching soooo many pairs of tits go up and down... Fuck, I can't even go to the gym without getting excited!! ๐
2023-11-08 04:04:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Early morning workouts are the fucking BEST!! I was watching the spinning class thrust up and down and my mind instantly told me to go home and practice my thrusting ๐
2023-11-07 20:01:02 +0000 UTC View Post๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ Wanna see how @daintywilder drives me fucking CRAZY using a showerhead? Quote #SHOWERCUM in your DMs to see ๐๐ฆ
2023-11-07 18:30:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Gooooood morning! I hope your day is filled with magic, fun, and lot's of horny conversations ๐
2023-11-07 16:02:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Ever had one of those days where your shirt's in on a joke you didn't know about? Well, today was mine! Rocked my shirt backward all day, embracing the simple joys of unintentional fashion innovation. Call me a trendsetter in the 'Oops, I did it again' line. Move over, runway models; I'm redefining the fashion game, one accidental wardrobe malfunction at a time!
2023-11-07 06:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Tonight's culinary adventure: I stepped into the kitchen and emerged triumphant. Dinner was served, and the house is still standing โ a major win! I'm all about embracing the simple joys, like not triggering a smoke alarm orchestra. Chef status update: not quite Chef extraordinaire, but I didn't turn the kitchen into a disaster zone either! Next goal: mastering the art of not mistaking sugar for salt.
2023-11-07 04:04:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Guess who's the sock detective? Me! I went on a cleaning spree and bam! Found my long-lost favorite sock, missing for a whole six months. It was a heartfelt reunion, let me tell you. I'm embracing the simple joys of reconnecting with my 'sole' mate. Now, if only it could tell me where its partner disappeared to - sock mysteries are the real deal!
2023-11-07 00:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Guess what? I hit the jackpot today - a whole dollar just chilling on the sidewalk! Iโm all about embracing the simple joys, like finding treasure in unexpected places. My inner Scrooge McDuck is hyped, dreaming of swimming through piles of coins. I mean, it's a dollar, not exactly a fortune, but hey, I'll take it! Time to live it up, Scrooge-style... with a candy bar.
2023-11-06 20:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
So, I was minding my own business when the sky decided to do a sneak-attack rain dance on me. No umbrella, no warning, just a sudden drenching. I embraced the 'I'm now a wet dog' experienceโshaking off water like a Labrador after a bath. Good news: free shower. Bad news: definitely not winning any Miss Dry T-Shirt contests today! Embracing simplicity, one raindrop at a time!
2023-11-06 19:05:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning! It's a new day, which means new opportunities to make terrible puns and do incredible things.
2023-11-06 16:02:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Throwin' in the towel, waving the white flag, and waiting for my inner clock to join reality. It's doing the cha-cha while the world does a waltz. Cheers to the glorious mess of daylight savings ending! My internal clock's on its own vacayโhopefully, itโll return soon, suntanned and refreshed, to join the 'regular time' party. Until then, chaos reigns ๐คฃ
2023-11-06 07:01:02 +0000 UTC View Post
My body clock's playing Twister while the world follows a 9-to-5 schedule. Breakfast for dinner, bedtime at suppertimeโmy body's on vacay! It's like I'm living in an alternate time zone, the 'Upside Down' of schedules. Eating cereal under the stars and brushing teeth at lunch is the new normal. Can't blame the body, it's just dancing to its own time tune!
2023-11-06 05:03:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Decided to play 'Let's Confuse Ourselves' and set all the clocks wrong. It's the daylight savings aftermath, or as I call it, 'Confusion Savings Time.' My phone's in the future, the oven's in the past, and the car clock? Well, that's in a universe of its own. Time management level: chaos. Should've just stuck to sundials, way simpler!
2023-11-06 01:59:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Just when I thought I'd cracked the Da Vinci code of timeโmicrowave, I'm looking at youโturns out, it's the rebel that fixes itself! I spend an eternity resetting all the clocks, and there it is, mocking me with the right time. Microwave: 1, Me: 0. It's officially the smartest appliance in the house. Well played, microwave, well played!
2023-11-05 21:01:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Morning confusion hit me hardโfelt like I dozed off in 2022 and woke up in 2021. The clock's playin' mind games! Is it the past, the future, or just a twisted present? I'd blame aliens, but it's that daylight savings mess again. It's like time's on a secret mission, leaving me behind. Who needs time travel when you've got a wonky clock, right?
2023-11-05 19:05:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Here's your daily reminder: you're amazing, you can handle anything! ๐
2023-11-05 16:02:02 +0000 UTC View Post
BLUE HAIR FUCKING RULES! Lol! I love the way it stands out and I just fucking love it! ALMOST as much as I love all you fuckers! ๐
2023-11-05 05:02:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Everybody wanted to be Sherlock Holmes figuring out the story behind my blue hair. Nope, I didn't wrestle with a paint bucket; it's a deliberate choice! Explaining it was like teaching algebra to a goatโentertaining but futile. The grocery store became a detective's haven. I might've inspired a trend or a new mystery novel, who knows? Blue hair, the unsolved enigma!
2023-11-05 00:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
I remember, having a good laugh explaining to a fellow shopper why I wasn't auditioning for a Smurf movie with my blue hair. It was a riot! I mean, who needs an acting gig when you've got a real-life cartoon look, right? Explaining that it's just a style choice was like breaking news to the grocery store gossip mill. Classic moments in that checkout line!
2023-11-04 20:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Back in the grocery line, and like clockwork, my BLUE hair sparks yet another chat. Couldn't hide in the aisles with this head-turner. It was like carrying a sign saying, 'Talk to me about my hair!' Trying to blend in was like a chameleon wearing neon. People were more interested in the color of my hair than the food in their carts! ๐คฃ
2023-11-04 18:05:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Today is gonna be fucking magical! Good morning ๐
2023-11-04 15:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Struttin' in, feeling like the boss, then bam! Shoelace conspiracies strike again. Down I go, confidence nosediving! Life's like a sitcom marathonโgoof after goof, with rare 'I'm the man!' highlights, but they're quicker than a hiccup. A walking paradox: master of blunders and King of 'Hey, watch this!' moments. Oh, life, you comedian, you!
2023-11-04 04:03:02 +0000 UTC View Post
I am CONSTANTLY fighting between my awkwardness and confidences. I am so fucking confident until I work straight into a glass door and look like a squashed bug, boobs squished hard against the wall while those walking passed giggle and point! LOL ๐ฅบ
2023-11-03 21:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostBrand new solo! Quote #LOVERSJOI in your DMs to get it first!
2023-11-03 17:30:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning, sunshine! Time to kick your butt out of bed!!
2023-11-03 15:02:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Saying farewell to my Halloween candy stash is like bidding adieu to a treasure trove. Now itโs back to the regular snacks; no more pumpkin-shaped sweets or ghostly gummies. The taste of normalcy might not be as thrilling, but the dentist will be happier! So long, toothaches, hello healthier options. Farewell, sweet goodies, until the next haunted season, when the candy stash resurrects
2023-11-03 06:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Throwin' my superhero cape in the wash, back to mundane chores. Time to ditch the magical staff for a regular broom. No more casting spells, just sweepin' up dust bunnies. Goodbye, otherworldly adventures; hello, reality! A superheroโs gotta do laundry too, y'know! Hangin' up the mask and picking up the mop, back to adulting, fighting the true villain โ dirty dishes!
2023-11-03 04:03:01 +0000 UTC View Post
